There's this crazy intersection in town - a four way stop: on one corner there's a bank, the other corner is empty, then the local Target and sad excuse for a Mall make up the other two. This is where people with issues like to gather to scream at people in cars. There's a group of Crazy Christians in town - I don't even really know what their relgious affiliation is exactly. They dress their small children up in their Sunday best and make them hold signs that say such delightful things as: "Ask me why you're going to hell" (not that that wouldn't look great on an employee's name tag. 'Hi, I'm ___________ feel free to ask me why you're going to hell for shopping at Wal-Mart!' - it'd be great) or "Catholicism is NOT a religion!" - that one I just straight-up do not get. Of course it's a religion...it has a book that has rules in it. Of course, by that understanding of what makes a religion I guess Dungeons and Dragons is a religion...and if you think that that's funny then you don't know people who play Dungeons and Dragons.
Anyway, those people were out in force - one guy was screaming something I couldn't understand on a bullhorn (don't scream while on a bullhorn...it just defeats the purpose of amplfying your voice, idiot...) and everyone else was all dressed up with signs saying all sorts of things like "God hates you!" and such. Good times...however, mingled amongst these people was another group of folks. Ron Paul supports (insert ominous music here)!!!
So, I was a little confused - I don't really know alot about Mr. Paul but from what I've read he seems to be a decent person...I have a few friends who are all about him..of course, they're not here in Panama City...I was surprised that Ron Paul had gotten down here already - I guess fads more faster now thanks to the internet. And they knew that a lot of people didn't know who Ron Paul was because they had hand-written signs that said "GOOGLE RON PAUL!" ...honestly. There were also some waving American Flags and they were all dressed very nicely. Well, I was confused as to why Ron Paul would want to associate with the crazies...craziers? But I'm in the middle of a mission...I have to pick up some stuff at Best Buy (which is near the mall) and then head to Target. Well, as I'm pulling into Target I notice police cars approaching the intersection with their lights flashing. I pause long enough to think "Hmmm, that should be interesting..." and as I'm leaving Target (I was only in there for about 30 minutes...I'm a power shopper) I noticed that the Crazy Christians have either left or been asked to leave. Now, I don't know for certain what happened...and based upon that fact I shall now tell you what I hoped happened. One of the Ron Paul people turns out to be a gay Catholic and actually dares to go up to one of the Crazy Christians and ask them why he belongs in hell. The Crazy Christian (CC) starts his ramble about what he's been told - he's reciting this stuff because the kid is only about 17 and knows that if he doesn't say what his dad (the guy screaming over the bullhorn) says then he'll get beaten with the Holy Stick again when they get home after Dad partakes of the Jesus Juice. The Ron Paul Guy (RPG) has pre-planned and logical counters to everything that CC says and so the CC figures that if he just starts to repeat himself at the top of his lungs then RPG will back down - it's what he's learned from his dad who also has these same basic debate techniques. Well Bullhorn Bully (BB) comes over and starts to scream at RPG and some pushing and shoving commences - maybe initiated by the BB or maybe by RPG - I dunno, it happened so fast it was hard to tell - but suddenly the Ron Paul People and the Crazy Christians are all having a turf war! They are screaming at each other such wonderful things as "Google Kickin' Your Ass, weird-o!" and "Ask me why Ron Paul belongs in hell!" ...okay, so this is obviously why they have to write down their slogans - they're not too good when put on the spot. But still...a turf war is still something exciting! ...but then the cops show up and it turns out that the Ron Paul folks asked the right people if it was okay for them to hold a little Google In at the intersection and the Crazy Christians just decided to do it on a whim (and a bottle of Jesus Juice) - so the Ron Paul folks win the corner...for now.
Good times in Panama City...
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